I was 100% convinced at a very young age that everyone in college knew exactly what they were doing. And boy was I wrong.
In college I have never felt more unsure of myself. In fact I was more of confident in myself the day before I started my freshman year of college.
I had hopes, I had goals.
Most importantly I had a plan.
Today, I don’t have a plan nor are my hopes and goals the same. Today, my hopes and goals are to find and figure out a plan for myself.
Tonight I was catching up with an old friend who once knew all of my goals and dreams way back when. And tonight my friend asked me if I was graduating on time this semester like I was supposed to.
I replied no, and I felt ashamed and sad.
But I felt relived.
Because in the back of my mind, I don’t want to graduate college feeling so insure and passionless. I want that college experience that I expected before I started college.
I would be so sad for myself if I did graduate college, knowing that the only thing I was capable of was terrible grades, and failed exams.
I want so much more for myself. I so badly want to find something that I do excel at. I know I have blogged about this before, but I want to say it again.
Nobody talks about the bad stuff.
It can be a very lonely and dark feeling when things are not going well academically. It’s embarrassing to tell your friends that you are not doing well in school. It’s hard to be happy for your friends who are getting accepted into grad school or med school.
Heck, nobody wants to hear a sob story.
But, I was thinking to myself about how lucky I am that my parents support me in finishing school. They are not thrilled at the idea that I have to be in school longer, but I think they do understand that it has been hard for me.
And boy am I glad that they keep paying!
Everyone in the “real world” tells me that it will all workout in the the and of course it will. This is not even the worst thing that will ever happen to me.
And if you have been reading SuperSana for a while, we all know that I have a pretty darn good life. And it honestly feels good to have a place where I can just pour out my feelings.And spare the poor checkout guy who is bagging my groceries when he asks me how my day is going, instead of sobbing I can tell him it’s going well. And to read my blog for more info.
So, to end things on a positive note, I want to share some fun pictures of myself, because this blog really is all about me.
Earlier today I stumbled across some more pictures of myself in Europe (from 9 months ago) so I thought I would share!
Switzerland (video at the bottom)
Pigeons RULE Italy. Fun fact: American tourists come to Italy to play with pigeons. Let’s just ignore the famous plaza that I am standing in.
Avoid the older parts of Venice if you are claustrophobic.
![CIMG1684[1]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG16841.jpg "CIMG1684[1]")
Avoid sleeping in a cabin on a train if you are claustrophobic and a cry baby. My happy face turned into tears are the lights turned off on the 12 hour train ride from Italy to Paris. TGV rules.
Gelato all day, all night.
![CIMG1587[1]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG15871.jpg "CIMG1587[1]")
Celebrating the return of the Holland World Cup team is fun, even if they don’t win.
![CIMG1759[1]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG17591.jpg "CIMG1759[1]")
Bikes rule Amsterdam.
![CIMG1731[2]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG17312.jpg "CIMG1731[2]")
Biking in Amsterdam is hardcore and bad a$$
If you have to spend the night at a deserted Zurich Airport, the best way to make time fly by is to take jumping pictures of yourself.
I easily entertained myself for hourssss
![CIMG1811[1]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG18111.jpg "CIMG1811[1]")
![CIMG1812[1]](http://www.supersana.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/CIMG18121.jpg "CIMG1812[1]")
Anyone want to go back to Europe with me? I am fun to travel with and I will save the sob stories for the long train rides.
College is a shit show. We’re lucky to make it out alive.
I have been through all of the same stuff you have! I went through four semesters as a bio major with terrible grades and working my butt off to realize it was not what I wanted at all. I’m “supposed” to be graduating this semester too, but I won’t be done till next semester. What I realized is that it was about being happy and not what I thought was the only way I would get a job. I feel so much better now that I’ve switched my direction, and even though I don’t know where I’m going to end up, I’m so glad that I’m not insanely stressed or depressed anymore because of school!
Good luck, it really does all work out :) (and I think I ate gelato every single day I was Italy too haha)
I second Evan’s comment. I feel for you , I do. You know I am in the same boat with the whole ‘not knowing what to do with my life’ thing. I’m just taking it one day at a time.
im an almost 30 year old mom with a law degree and no idea what I want to do career wise and that’s ok! Noes you lr time to have fun and experiment-you don’t have to know!
Also, I’m totally down for europe!
The more unsure of yourself & life now, then ever before, it absolutely something many experience in college. I graduated college quite a few years ago (‘sup Granny, right?) and remember the same feelings at a certain time in my college life.
Here is the deal, of course only my opinion: Those who don’t go through “this” in college, usually end up in some pretty shitty situations, later on. It’s really imperative to have a time where you are so unsure & questioning yourself/everything you thought you knew.
You are smart, witty, real – you will figure some of it soon, some later & like the rest of us, some you might never figure out :)
I had no idea what I wanted to do when I was in college….shoot I am 30 and I am still figuring it out =)
and yes it is always about you haha I love the pics…esp the bike one =)
sana,
what a great post!
it’s so true noone tells you about the bad stuff particularly how lost you feel when you first graduate college! sigh I know it will all work out for you :)
check out my post today when you get a chance – it’s Peanut Butter and Co giveaway and lots of cute puppy pics! :)
college is all about re-finding yourself. I think everyone thinks they know what they want to do young. In reality, your goals, wants and needs grow with you.
There is NOTHING wrong with hanging out in college a little longer. I did, and it was probably the best decision I made in my adult life.
ps: your Europe trip looked awesome!
I love your Italy photos. I missed them the first time around I think?
Your thoughts on college are really interesting. I wish that we had more guidance in what to study rather than a haphazard meeting with a guidance counselor in high school. Since I didn’t really know what I wanted to do I majored in Management (aka BUSINESS) and later also majored in Italian since I had enough credits to do so. It ended up being the right decision because I can take that degree anywhere, and I know I’m one of the lucky ones.
College doesn’t have to take just 4 years, and for many people it takes more even if they don’t talk about it. Who cares how long it takes as long as you graduate with a degree you can believe in and use!
I want to go to Europe with you :)
I think what you’re going thru is totally normal! You want to be exposed to NEW and EXCITING things otherwise you will never know what you love.
I always knew deep down what I was going to do since the 5th grade, but I tried EVERYTHING else out just to be sure. You don’t want to end up in a bad place and later kicking yourself for it.
I absolutely know how you feel. Even though I’m graduating, it’s hard to talk to people about school because I actually hate my major. I feel like my parents have put so much money into an education I’m never going to use. Sigh. It WILL work itself out though. I’ve talked to so many people who have in similar situations to the both of us, and we’ll figure it out eventually. It’s hard to wait, but there’s ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel!
This post is so true…I have my degree in education and haven’t really done a thing with it yet, mostly because I don’t think I was truly passionate about what I was doing…
Did you switch majors? What are you most interested in?
Thank you for sharing this post…you’re not alone. I feel the same exact way. A lot of times I do feel sad and alone but I have to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world and I have other reasons to be happy. Reading your blog more and more makes me want to write. It seems like free therapy! You don’t only have support from your family but I love how much your readers care as well.
If I had been a blogger when I was in college I would have written this exact same post. I entered college with such enthusiasm and high hopes, but things definitely didn’t go as planned. But the real world folks are right, it will all work out in the end. Promise!!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us! I agree with Kacy above…I would have had a post just like this if I’d been blogging a few years ago.
I was in the same place as you for a while…it ended up taking me 6 years to complete my undergrad, but I love what I do now. I think it’s definitely important to take your time in college so you don’t graduate and get stuck somewhere you’re not happy…
Good luck figuring all of this out!
1. You WILL figure it out. Maybe not today, maybe not next year, or even longer. Finding your path academically, professionally, takes its time. Nearly 100% of my college friends are struggling with this very issue!
2. I majored in math and had an unremarkable gpa. Not terrible, not stellar. It’s hard to try something and not be “at the top” if that’s what you were used to. But give yourself credit for trying! I promise, in 5-10 years no one will care what your undergrad grades were. You get into grad school with your passion for the field and your resume, so don’t sweat it. Just get through today, tomorrow will work itself out and that’s a promise :)
HI SANA!
what a lovely blog and touching post! I enjoy visiting your site and hearing about my friend from 1st grade – SUPER SANA! i’m actually in the same boat and can now proudly say that I will be graduating in december. what i’ve grown to realize that we are too blessed, to stress about lesser issues that are often temporary. thankfully our adverse experiences have matured us into the women that we are today. we’ve got our health, supportive families, yummmy FOOD, opportunities and most importantly GOALS. i’m confident that we will achieve it all! keep your eye on the prize and please continue to share the adventures of SUPER SANA!!!
miss you=)
-Nykeba
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