I was 100% convinced at a very young age that everyone in college knew exactly what they were doing. And boy was I wrong.
In college I have never felt more unsure of myself. In fact I was more of confident in myself the day before I started my freshman year of college.
I had hopes, I had goals.
Most importantly I had a plan.
Today, I don’t have a plan nor are my hopes and goals the same. Today, my hopes and goals are to find and figure out a plan for myself.
Tonight I was catching up with an old friend who once knew all of my goals and dreams way back when. And tonight my friend asked me if I was graduating on time this semester like I was supposed to.
I replied no, and I felt ashamed and sad.
But I felt relived.
Because in the back of my mind, I don’t want to graduate college feeling so insure and passionless. I want that college experience that I expected before I started college.
I would be so sad for myself if I did graduate college, knowing that the only thing I was capable of was terrible grades, and failed exams.
I want so much more for myself. I so badly want to find something that I do excel at. I know I have blogged about this before, but I want to say it again.
Nobody talks about the bad stuff.
It can be a very lonely and dark feeling when things are not going well academically. It’s embarrassing to tell your friends that you are not doing well in school. It’s hard to be happy for your friends who are getting accepted into grad school or med school.
Heck, nobody wants to hear a sob story.
But, I was thinking to myself about how lucky I am that my parents support me in finishing school. They are not thrilled at the idea that I have to be in school longer, but I think they do understand that it has been hard for me.
And boy am I glad that they keep paying!
Everyone in the “real world” tells me that it will all workout in the the and of course it will. This is not even the worst thing that will ever happen to me.
And if you have been reading SuperSana for a while, we all know that I have a pretty darn good life. And it honestly feels good to have a place where I can just pour out my feelings.And spare the poor checkout guy who is bagging my groceries when he asks me how my day is going, instead of sobbing I can tell him it’s going well. And to read my blog for more info.
So, to end things on a positive note, I want to share some fun pictures of myself, because this blog really is all about me.
Earlier today I stumbled across some more pictures of myself in Europe (from 9 months ago) so I thought I would share!
Switzerland (video at the bottom)
Pigeons RULE Italy. Fun fact: American tourists come to Italy to play with pigeons. Let’s just ignore the famous plaza that I am standing in.
Avoid the older parts of Venice if you are claustrophobic.
Avoid sleeping in a cabin on a train if you are claustrophobic and a cry baby. My happy face turned into tears are the lights turned off on the 12 hour train ride from Italy to Paris. TGV rules.
Gelato all day, all night.
Celebrating the return of the Holland World Cup team is fun, even if they don’t win.
Biking in Amsterdam is hardcore and bad a$$
If you have to spend the night at a deserted Zurich Airport, the best way to make time fly by is to take jumping pictures of yourself.
I easily entertained myself for hourssss
Anyone want to go back to Europe with me? I am fun to travel with and I will save the sob stories for the long train rides.